What if what you call love is actually attachment? Stan Tatkin makes a provocative distinction in this conversation. The attachment system is a biological mandate, present from infancy, that says I can't quit you. It is not love. It is the fear of an existential threat, losing your partner. And if that fear is the only thing holding you, Stan warns, you are in danger, because now you can be trounced upon, mishandled, even abused, and stay anyway. That, he says, is on us. The conversation begins with a very practical question: how do you open this up with a partner who is not interested? Someone who has not read the book or put on the new pair of glasses. Stan's answer is to start somewhere unexpected, with vows. Most vows, he says bluntly, mean nothing. Pulled off the internet, said in passing at a wedding, then forgotten. There is no real vow to protect each other, to keep each other safe and secure, to make sure you both thrive. So have that conversation now, rationally, without making it about love. Decide what purpose the two of you serve. What are you pointing toward, and are you pointing the same way? Humans are at their best when they believe in something bigger than themselves, and a relationship needs purpose-centered principles to protect it from time, from change, from each other's whims. And if your partner will not have that conversation? That could be a deal-breaker, and Stan is unsentimental about it. Lose the word healthy, he says. A relationship is not healthy or unhealthy, right or wrong. It either works or it does not. People have every right to live as they choose, but two people may simply not be able to work together if they are too far apart. What he finds depressing is how many people are too afraid to stand by principle because they care only about not losing their partner. Real partnership, he says, is two adults, two independent people, coming together on terms and conditions. Deal or no deal. It is hard, but it works, and it is worth it. Want to go deeper with Stan Tatkin? Join Sounds True One for more teachings like this. Get your first month FREE at https://bit.ly/4ctecMn Subscribe to Sounds True's YouTube Channel ► https://bit.ly/SubscribeSTYT Sounds True is a mission-driven learning and media company, and a recognized leader in wellbeing, personal growth, and spiritual transformation. Partnering with the world’s foremost wisdom teachers and best-selling authors, the company reaches millions worldwide with its unique programs, digital learning experiences, and worldwide events. The company also features a variety of original series, weekly shows, and live online experiences on Sounds True One, its global platform and community with members across more than 125 countries. Sounds True is a Public Benefit Corporation and also the home of the Sounds True Foundation. Connect with us: ▪️Facebook: http://bit.ly/2XFIIeE ▪️Instagram: http://bit.ly/2UlEoiH ▪️Website: http://bit.ly/2tOl02d