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Trump Unbothered By Fainting Man, GOP Election Flops And Shutdown Fiasco In 'SNL' Opener

6 months ago 60

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A man who fainted in the middle of a real life Oval Office meeting this week made a perfect springboard for “Saturday Night Live” cold open this weekend.

“Oh, hi. I didn’t see you there. Someone was dying in my office,” “SNL” resident Donald Trump impersonator James Austin Johnson said while people scrambled to help the fallen man behind him in the scene.

“I think I’m playing this very normal, just stand there and stare like a sociopath. Didn’t even pretend like I was going to help like someone drops something and you do the fake bend.”

Nodding to how Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. practically sprinted from the scene after the man’s collapse, Johnson asked, “And how about RFK? Booked it out of here like someone was trying to give him a vaccine. Brain worm take the wheel! That thing kinda Ratatouille’d him right out of the room.”

"Saturday Night Live" used President Donald Trump's reaction to a man who fainted in real life at the White House on Thursday as the jumping off point for this weekend's cold open.
"Saturday Night Live" used President Donald Trump's reaction to a man who fainted in real life at the White House on Thursday as the jumping off point for this weekend's cold open.

NBC via Getty Images

He then stepped out from behind the Resolute Desk while people continued to tend to the fallen man and said, “Each week, I like to create a big visual that sort of sums up how things are going. Last week, it was the demolishing of the East Wing. This week, it’s a medical professional almost dying in my Oval Office at the mere thought of charging less for drugs.”

“Maybe next week a bald eagle will fall dead out of the sky and splat right on the White House lawn,” the imitation Trump smirked. “And by lawn, of course I mean big outdoor concrete floor.”

Ignoring the historically long government shutdown, the Supreme Court’s skeptical reception to his tariff policy, the Federal Aviation Administration’s decision to scale back thousands of flights amid a shortage of air traffic controllers, and the legal back and forth over food benefits, the delusional sanguine presidential impersonator called it an “awesome week” — ignoring Democratsslate of wins in Tuesday’s elections.

“The Democrats won. The lame stream media called the elections a rebuke of Trump’s policies,” he shrugged. “Jokes on them: They’re Stephen Miller’s policies. I don’t read that stuff. No like-y read-y.”

Joking about the optics of the fall, "SNL" presidential impersonator James Austin Johnson joked, "Maybe next week a bald eagle will fall dead out of the sky and splat right on the White House lawn."
Joking about the optics of the fall, "SNL" presidential impersonator James Austin Johnson joked, "Maybe next week a bald eagle will fall dead out of the sky and splat right on the White House lawn."

NBC via Getty Images

Johnson celebrated a few other small wins for the White House, noting, “The Supreme Court said we could stop feeding poor people. You can clap for that, SNAP!”

Ever the problem-solver, the pretend president addressed all-around hikes in food prices, which are 3% higher than the same time last year, according to the Consumer Price Index.

“People are saying, ‘But sir, how will I afford my Thanksgiving turkey for my family?’” he said. “Well, good news is your family’s not coming because all the planes are gone.”

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Summing up his strategy, Johnson told everyone, “We call that problems solving problems. Killing two birds with another bird, now you got a bunch of crazy birds.”

You can watch the full sketch right here:

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