Previously: “The Doorless Room In My Old House.”

Some of my favorite creepypastas take the form of what is, essentially, found footage in written form: Letters; diaries; documents; things like that. This week’s creepypasta, “A Guide For New Employees,” is pretty much what it says on the tin — an employee handbook for some kind of facility called Novis Labs — and it’s an excellent example of this kind of format in action.

Also, it’s very funny. Who doesn’t love a little comedy with their horror?

[Like what you read? Check out Dangerous Games To Play In The Dark, available from Chronicle Books now!]

Uploaded to the Creepypasta Wiki by user DarthMoot40K in December of 2021, this little story is what I imagine the employee handbook for the SCP Foundation would look like. Or Async, maybe.

Congratulations on your new employment! I just hope you survive your first day. And the day after that. And the day after that.

Find an excerpt below, and read the full story over at the Creepypasta Wiki.

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Welcome, new employee, to Novis Labs, and to our facility. If you are receiving this memo, you have passed the rigorous interviewing process and training procedures, and are ready to begin work at our facility. Congratulations! Before you begin working, however, there are some things that are important for you to know.

When you begin working, you will report to your designated department, and meet your designated team, as dictated by a secondary memo you will receive beforehand. There are four departments: Security, Research and Development, Administration, and Staff: These are split amongst approximately 75 wings, with Administration in Wings 1-15, Security in Wings 16-25, R&D in Wings 25-60, and Staff in Wings 60-75. These wings are also color coded with colored stripes running alone each wall, with red being security, blue being administration, green being R&D, and yellow being Staff. This is important to remember for later.

It is important to note that Novis Labs and the facility is not exactly… normal, as many would phrase it. Strange phenomena are known to occur within the grounds, some of which can potentially be hazardous to employees’ health and safety. Do not worry, though! Our security is of the utmost importance to us, and are more than equipped to deal with any situations that may arise. As it is, however, security is not always available immediately, therefore a list will be included below of possible occurrences and the procedures to ensure maximum possible safety:

Keep reading…

***

Follow The Ghost In My Machine on Bluesky @GhostMachine13.bsky.social, Twitter @GhostMachine13, and Facebook @TheGhostInMyMachine. And for more games, don’t forget to check out Dangerous Games To Play In The Dark, available now from Chronicle Books!

[Photo via onkelglocke/Pixabay]