I used to follow a fair bit of conservative female media. I was excited to see the burgeoning attempt to reclaim the goodness of femininity while exposing the rot that is feminism. But as “femininity” appears to be more stylish these days, I have to wonder if we are actually reclaiming the feminine or if we are just refurbishing an old kind of moral decay. 

A couple of examples come to mind: Evie Magazine touting the return of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, and the notorious MAGA swimsuit calendar that showcased a number of popular “anti-feminist” influencers. Strange how this “anti-feminist” stunt celebrated soft porn. 

It doesn’t end there. While there’s an attempt to celebrate women as mothers, conservatives seem to buy into the lie that “motherhood is not enough” by promoting not motherhood but mothers who choose to work, to lead, and hold positions of power. Motherhood is a full-time position—it’s higher than a career; it’s a vocation. Yes, some women must work, but we should not be telling women they can do it all. It’s a lie—a lie that wounds families. 

And of course, there is the “trad-wife” phenomenon, but sometimes the choice of dress seems more provocative than traditional. 

None of these things are conservative, nor are they feminine. Of course, someone will point out that women have always worked. But society used to be more agrarian/artisan based, and women’s work (things like textiles) was compatible with rearing children. A modern-day boss-babe career is not. 

It has to be said: we aren’t celebrating the feminine, we are simply trying to be more seductive than our opponents. The whole movement is reactionary. And the thing is, despite all these attempts to make femininity “cool,” there seems to be a chasm of mistrust between the sexes. Men are sick of the charade, and everyone is going haywire. 

Femininity Is Not Reactionary

Femininity is a gift given to us by God. It’s not toxic, and it’s not a problem. In fact, we need femininity. Women are the heart of society, and a weak heart will beget a dying culture. As Anthony Esolen wrote in his book No Apologies, “The masculine and feminine stand and fall together.”  As Anthony Esolen wrote in his book No Apologies, “The masculine and feminine stand and fall together.” Tweet This

Right now, we are witnessing what feels like a pendulum shift. Men are (rightfully) exhausted by feminism and eager to reclaim their role. Yet, this shift is by no means smooth sailing. A quick foray onto 𝕏 greets one with mudslinging, profanity, and all kinds of contempt. It’s utter pandemonium. 

For women, I think the solution is quite simple. Such harshness reminds us of a need for the feminine. Instead of joining the fray, it’s important that we embrace the feminine and eradicate any of its toxic perversions in our own lives. 

The Beauty of Femininity and Some of Its Perversions 

One of the most beautiful attributes of femininity is a woman’s ability to endure. I think that mothers hold a secret: they can’t always take away the pain. More than anything, a mother wants to eliminate the pain and suffering of her loved ones. But she can’t; instead, she endures. She holds their bruised, feverish bodies and weathers the storm in quiet calm. The heart of the mother remains soft when the world is cold and bitter. She suffers with her beloved. 

The Blessed Mother is the ultimate example. From her fiat to standing at the Cross, her whole life was marked by love and receptivity. She never once asked for the suffering to go away. Instead, she allowed her heart to be pierced. The Blessed Mother, our Mater Dolorosa, is our example of true femininity. 

The world tells women not to suffer. Mantras of “women deserving more” have made us weak and bitter. Nagging, complaining, and victimhood are swift to enter the scene when we are unwilling to live out our own fiats—unwilling to carry our crosses. 

Many women have embraced a contraceptive mindset rather than learning to trust the abundance of God. It’s a strong temptation to abdicate, to flee, when the going gets tough. But in a woman’s femininity, she holds another secret: she can remain soft, giving glory to God and trusting His providence. 

With Christmas around the corner, It’s a Wonderful Life comes to mind. Mary Bailey is the queen of discretion, another beautiful trait of the feminine. She quietly works behind the scenes for the good of her family. She never airs her husband’s shortcomings, complains, or tries to take control. Instead, she prays and works discreetly out of the limelight. She is modest in all she does—unlike Violet, who is always seeking attention in both dress and manner. 

Interestingly, Mary never once attempts to usurp her husband. Instead, she always works to ensure that she is his safe haven, that he has a home, and that he is supported. She never tries to compete, but rather, she always stands by him in warmth and admiration. What Mary understands is that if she were to try and take over, she would not only cease being her husband’s helpmate but she would also be unable to provide him with the gifts of her soul. She would betray her mission, and the movie would not have a happy ending. 

Many women are tempted instead to meddle, to control their husbands, adult children, and whomever else they can. It’s part of Eve’s curse (Genesis 3:16). And on top of that, they gossip. These are all toxic traits that bring destruction to the family and deeply wound souls. Meddling, controlling, and gossip are not fruits of femininity; they are products of our fallen nature that we must work to eliminate. Instead, the feminine heart is radically receptive. It is a font of kindness, reverence, and compassion. 

It is important to note that there is such a thing as misplaced compassion. And that is another toxic perversion. Women are relationally wired, and it’s easy for our emotions to be manipulated. It may seem harmless, but misplaced compassion can usher in approval or make excuses for sinful behavior. Compassion must be rooted in charity. 

The last perversion I will touch upon is so accepted as normal that it punctuates modern media, pop songs, and essentially saturates the female narrative; but that doesn’t change how lethal it is: many women believe they are unloved. This belief is both sad and highly problematic. It is so important for a woman to seek healing from whatever wounds lead her to this false belief; maybe she did not have a good father, or maybe she experienced some horrific trauma, or perhaps she is ashamed of her femininity. Whatever it is, she must come to know and accept the love of Christ. Christ is nearer to us than we are to ourselves. 

When a woman acts from the belief of being unloved, she becomes desperate. She is envious and overly consumed with herself. It is a weird form of pride that rejects her Heavenly Father’s love and says, “No, you were wrong when you made me.” 

She may seek validation, approval, through all kinds of means, and usually they are unholy. This wound in her heart hinders her ability to love, to nurture, and to tend to the duties of her vocation. She may become consumed with her physical appearance, dressing immodestly, chasing vanity, chasing power, chasing the fleeting things of this world. At the end of the day, she feels she has a lot to prove, a mentality that causes many women to betray their femininity. 

The Feminine Heart

In some ways, the true feminine heart pushes against the fleeting things of this world. Yes, she even pushes against progress. As Fr. Karl Stehlin explains in his book The Nature, Dignity, and Mission of Woman,

The more achievements civilization has to offer, the more it draws man’s sights down to earth, so that he takes them more seriously than they deserve. Therefore in order to restore interior equilibrium, there must be on earth witnesses to eternity. 

This quote always reminds me of Dante’s Beatrice. Dante is entranced by Beatrice’s beauty, but her eyes are on God. And so, through her, God’s goodness radiates. Her beauty is not about vanity or what she can prove; it is about submission to God. Her focus is virtue. She guides with love, pointing all those she encounters back to God. 

Women do not need to “prove” their worth on 𝕏—or to a cold-hearted world, for that matter. A woman’s worth comes from God, who loved her into existence and gave her the gift of femininity—a gift that is resplendent and meant to be shared, to shine through and resuscitate a crumbling culture. 

Yes, there are many toxic perversions, and we must be vigilant. It’s not about joining the chaos. It is simply about being faithful to our mission. So, break up with your toxic traits. Embrace the gift God gave you. As Venerable Fulton Sheen stated, “The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.”